My good God, someone has finnaly made the song that I can really relate to word for word. Its been years since I lost someone who made me and broke me... many of the emotions sungin the song I deal with on a daily basis even after this long of time... heh... good job "Pop Evil- Torn to Pieces"

Sometimes I take time to reflect and realize just how easy it is to get lost in either days past or to get utterly lost in the moment of today...

What is faith

Its funny, I was starting to think about old so called "Essays" i wrote when I was younger. I called them the "what is" essays as a 13 year old tried to explain what simple truths were. I guess I felt i knew what i was talking about, but from 2008 and 2013 you learn a thing or two. My first instinct was to redo them, see what i could come up with. Redo the "what is friends essay", the "what is faith essay", the "What is pleasure" essay... Heh... then I realized i was nothing more than ignorant and cursed with a silver tongue... I guess you can say I don't want to rewrite them.. Yeah time changes many things, I just hope if I ever did rewrite them, it wouldn't be the same statements with a little more eloquence put behind them...

What have we become... what are our values now? Why have we sank so far down?...

I see it more and more. I hear it without end, it is a message put on repeat without a hope for stopping. Just today I heard on the radio that there is a age were women stop becoming more attractive, they had male caller's call up and guess the age. What are they doing? There capping women's self confidence. I heard another radio station suggesting a product that can bring back a women's "Youth, confidence and looks" with a exercise program. I hear it about men, these astronomical claims about testosterone booster, exercise programs and chemicals to attract the other sex. Do you see or hear a pattern developing here? I don't know about the world, but for the general population of America, the glory of youth is trying to be taken back from a grip unclaspable. Promises from the media, promises from celebrities who have had plastic surgeries and spend unknown amount of times at the gym: that you can to look like them to if you do one simple trick.... Can anyone, Me included, say that when the tux is tightened, the makeup applied, the arms worked out, the shirt cut lower, the facial hair trimmed so perfectly... can anyone say it was just done to look good, nothing more or less... I for one cannot, I do it so others may look my way, and its a sad reality when i realize what i do..

I think... without a doubt, every man and women in there right mind know they cannot undo time, that its tricks are not tricks but realities. The few who have come to the reality that this is life, not a reverse game, are often the most comfortable people in the world. Those who have grasp that life is fleeting, and were here for only a short time, many times don't bother with a mirror. Because if we all chanted "Mirror mirror on the wall..." It would give a sarcastic laugh back. God has not put us on this earth to try to live forever, or to look good going to the grave... No, we have bigger responsibilities, higher goals that perfect beauty cannot help us achieve... By the grace of god ill accept my faults, my problems and my acne.. the list shall go on, till we are in the cloud of witnesses, standing in a new body, one that we can really call... Perfect.

Many men have died, many men hung and hang by a tree in the form of a cross. Many men suffered more evil and tortures than him. Many have been beaten worse and resuscitate to be beaten again. Many been in the streets while the crowds scream for them to die. Many have been mocked and ridiculed like him. But none gone through what he had to go through... The one and only God, The purest being ever to exist, that could not even look upon sin and evil, was rejected by his father and took the sin of the entire would to bring about forgiveness that this planet had never known... Aye, his death was not the first, or last of its kind. His physical suffering was gruesome, but still human. But thank you Lord for taking my sin, my evil and my shame from me so I may know you more... Even death could not contain you for long... Heh, yeah, a real love story...

Dear Lord: Forgive me for my constant mocking of everything you have placed in order. I know I want to honor, respect and follow you, and my own attempts are short comings in there own pathetic attempt. Forgive me for misuseing these gifts you have given my, for degrading my mind and heart with my eyes, for allowing my mind and heart to be misguided by what my ears hear, Dear God forgive me for being a fool where my feet and hands have taken me. You did not die on a cross to allow me to do such things, i know so. Forgive me for not proclaiming your name in the public squares and in private conversations. I See so many opportunites and broken hearts and my own words are few and far between, what a gift this togune is and how litttle i use it for what it was given to me to use it for. Forgive me for my failed attempts, my half hearted tries at following you. I have a desire to, but often my own attempts are but dirty rags in your sight.

But most of all Lord Jesus... please forgive me... please forgive me when i splash your God given blood like its a pool. I was not put on this world to go my own way... I was not placed hear to try to find someone to love, or drive a nice car, or waste my time playing video games. Thank you for giving these human fullfillments, But i am not hear to splash around in your blood. Give me the courage to follow what you would have me do, make me less and you more. Dare I say kill me if i dont preach the gospel, for what is life if it cannot be shared...Thank you Jesus...

I am starting more and more to realize that silence can be a savior. What a curse it is to be touched by a silver or heaven forbid a gold tongue. What lies can so easily be spewed forth and even more dreadful, what lies can be accepted by the masses with simple words from the tongue. Its scares me to be silent, seeing as I would, and could, spit compliments and ideas out that should never of been. It was a art, a constant bettering of my own self righteous ideology's and thoughts. How dare I spit forth advice when I myself could care less for my own help. It sickens me to no end to think I dare speak as if I knew what I talked about... Heh, yes, indeed silence can be a savior, and a much needed one at that...